Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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