so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
