the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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