if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Non-Jews are for practice
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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