I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
