Can Purell be used as lube?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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