i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
