hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize