The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
