There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
