You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
why do cheetos always look like penises
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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