I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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