I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
