New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
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