please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
