my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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