Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
