Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
