this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
