He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
