I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
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