that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
