And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize