Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
