burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
