I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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