Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
