the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Randomize
