i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
