She said her name was "party"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
