this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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