Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
