dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
