i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
