It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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