yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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