I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
