I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't turn off my feet"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
