I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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