Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
