Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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