you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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