jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
