you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
