u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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