I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
