So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
