I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
