i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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