your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
