Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
