No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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