new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
