Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
where does the pee come out of this thing
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
