i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
