Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
