when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
