fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
