theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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