The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
