babies were throwing up all over the place
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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