Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
