No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
