a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
