it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Couch. On fire.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
