Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
