I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
